Think about a person around you who everyone likes and who you like being around as well.
Ever wondered what his/her magic is? Maybe some people are just born that way, blessed by God from their mother’s womb.
Although I do agree that a part of it has to do with genetics, I also believe it’s inherent within every single person, but it’s just that it must be discovered. Like gold from a goldmine, or fossils from some an undiscovered landscape, that once you’ve dug enough out, you’ll have built yourself a brilliant museum that people want to visit all the time.
We must go through a process of self-discovery. The traits of these likable people are that they constantly reflect on themselves, whether it be their mistakes or the good things they did.
“know thyself ”— Socrates
Asking ourselves questions like how did I make the other person feel when I gave them my opinion? Was I really paying attention? If not, realizing that I could’ve come off self-opinionated, strive to do it differently the next time.
It doesn’t have to be something that we did. All actions originate from the voices of our minds. Why did Adam decide to eat from the fruit of knowledge? A thought entered him. A mere seed of thought led to a devastating action.
Our thoughts dictate everything about us, it makes us who we are. There is a verse in the Bible that goes “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Proverbs 4:23.
The tone of our voices, the look in our eyes, and our body language all originate from our subconscious thoughts. But we are often unaware of it, and we can push people away with our minds without even realizing that we are.
Often the most likable people have trained their subconscious to make themselves more welcoming, friendly, funny, and loving. It’s not magic, it’s something that everyone can do with a bit of an effort.
So how should we train our subconscious?
1. Like the Other Person First
Do not be reactionary, be proactive in liking the other person.
This means we make a conscious effort to remove any negative perceptions about the person and try to see the good in them.
Take interest in another person. This, however, is something that many of us struggle with. I sometimes don’t feel curious at all, and that’s when I notice that I am mostly preoccupied with myself.
Also, It’s easy to focus on the negatives of the other person. Maybe they’ve said something hurtful to you, maybe something about them annoys the hell out of you.
I realized that it’s when we’ve made the effort to remember the good things about the other person and made sure that we feel a positive emotion was when we started connecting.
Everybody wants to be loved and understood. Nobody will dislike you for showing love.
2. Remember the things they’ve said
I am not a very good conversationalist, but knowing that a good conversation brings two people together, I’ve been putting effort into it.
When was the last time that someone remembered what you said and they brought it up? Try to remember how you felt.
Remembering something about the other person is a catalyst for a good conversation because it’s likely a topic that the other person can go on and on about. And imagine how good they’d feel if they realized someone is interested and is listening intently.
Whether someone likes you or not is largely determined by the emotion that they felt while they were with you. They’ll go home and think about the conversation you had, and if you’ve managed to put a smile on their face, congratulations!
3. Be selfless
Being selfless means putting the wants of others before yours, and it also means being responsible for any mistakes that happen between you and the other person.
It’s lunchtime, and you’ve been looking forward to having a Big Mac with an Oreo Mcflurry at McDonald’s all morning. You’re starving, and ready to have a feast, but then suddenly your co-worker comes up to you and says he feels like KFC. What would you do?
You can go separate ways, or you can tell him to come to McDonald’s with you. Expressing your opinion is good and is well encouraged, but once in a while, even if you don’t feel like it at all, letting go of your desires for your friend will really make them feel appreciative of you. Don’t even mention it. People will eventually pick it up.
4. Smile
It feels cliche to talk about something so obvious, but I think it’s well worth mentioning, because of just how good it is.
A good smile is something that needs practice if you don’t smile often because our facial muscles need to be trained. This is well worth it though, for a couple of reasons.
- When we smile at others it makes them feel welcome.
- A genuine smile shows confidence and charisma.
I believe a genuine smile flows out from the gladness of our hearts. I found that the best way to make our heart glad is to fill our spirit with good things, whether it be meditation, books, exercise, food, prayer, you name it.
It may not come naturally at first, but once you begin putting these into action, it’ll become like a habit. Soon, you’ll be doing it without even realizing it.
The key is to put in a conscious effort!
